Ewe marriage and ceremonies
The informal relations between young lovers are given a stamp of seriousness and permanence by a ceremony known as ‘vɔƒoÆ’o’, or knocking. The bridegroom’s parents send his father’s sister and his brother mother’s sister to the bride’s parents to ask formally for the hand of the bride.
On arrival at the girl’s house, her parents enquire the reason for the deputation and after hearing it, send them away for about a week whiles they consider the matter. The reason for postponing this is that, customarily we do not give immediate reply to any question of major importance. This also gives them time to make enquiries about the man and his parents if they have not done so already. It is important they establish the man is of good stock, able to support his wife in the manner to which she has been accustomed, and from a family free of hereditary defects, witchcraft and criminal mentality.
If the bride’s people are satisfied on all these counts and the girl also agrees to the proposal, the groom’s deputation is informed on their second call that their request has been considered and accepted. For this information two bottles of imported or locally brewed gin are offered by the deputation in appreciation. This payment is known as ‘vÉ”lenu’ or knocking fee.
As soon as the groom’s people learn of the acceptance of their request, preparations start in full swing for raising the marriage payments ‘Srɔnu’ or ‘tabianu’ and when this is ready the groom’s paternal and maternal aunts carry it to the bride’s parents home either in a large trunk or wooden box, or in a large pan called ‘ƒovi’ this is then inspected and accepted if or if found to be insufficient, the whole load may be carried back.
The marriage is concluded by the giving of marriage payment and a series of elaborate ceremonies each of which is considered necessary for the establishment of a legal union of which the handing over of the bride to the groom’s parents or ‘dedeasi’, the powdering of the bride or ‘togbagba’; the consummation, or ‘ɖoɖoabadzi’ and the seclusion ‘dedexɔ’ are most important.
The formal handing over of the bride, which takes place in her father’s house, is a short ceremony where both parents give a short advice to the couple, followed by the declaration by both of their willingness to marry. The responsibilities of each to the other are then meticulously enumerated and concluded by a short prayer to the ancestors. The importance of this is to transfer sexual rights to the groom after the powdering.
The two parties then a fix a date for the wedding which must be a good day ‘asinyuigbe’ and the ceremony takes place in the evening when the moons are dark. On the appointed day the bride is sent for and brought to the groom’s father’s house which by tradition is the venue of the wedding. Upon her release she is accompanied to the groom’s place by her own mother’s sister and father’s sister and a host of others and a young girl follows them with the bundle of linen or marriage colthes. In the bedroom the ‘srɔdeba’ has already been laid, covered with white bed sheet. For the purposes of the ceremony the groom buys two yards of imported cloth, a yard of silk head kerchief, ‘seda-taku’ and a stool ‘atizikpui’
At the house, the spokesperson who is the bride’s father’s sister hand her over to the grooms father with these words;
“The parents of the bride have given her to us to bring to you in response to your request. From now on responsibility for her maintenance lies with you. She must be well fed. You must take good care of her when she is sick. We do not quarrel in our house and we do not want her to quarrel in your house”
The groom’s father receives the bride and offers his thanks to all the messengers then follows several admonitory speeches by those present, notably the groom’s mother’s brother concerning the basic necessities of happy married life; patience, tolerance and understanding of each other’s point of view. Above all hard work and co-operation in economic and household activities and this done the grooms lineage head pours a libation to the ancestors addressing them is this way;
‘Today is an important day for us, the living, and it is fitting that we call you also, our ancestors, grandfathers and grand mothers, to come and join us on this occasion. The reason for our appeal is a good one ‘É–agbee’ your own son (name of groom) has asked (name of bride) to be his partner and this evening we shall have the consummation and the seclusion ceremonies. Successful marriage is realised in good health, fertility and prosperity. We therefore ask for our new couple long life. Let them live till grey hairs appear on their teeth and have as many children as possible. In commemoration of these requests we offer you alcohol and cool water, for all of you to drink. You made everything. You can see the invisible. Perish our enemies and let our benefactors flourish. Once more here is water. We call all of you to come and drink’
The bride at this time, on her first visit to her future home, is thought to be very shy, and therefore called throughout the duration of the ceremonies ‘ŋukpetɔ’ the shy one.
The consummation ceremony is performed by the mistress of ceremonies which is usually the father’s sister of the groom and known to have experienced a successful marriage and herself been lush or productive, the belief being that the bride will follow in her footsteps. The MC holds ‘ŋukpetɔ’ by the hand and leads her to the door of the bedroom. On opening the door she makes the ŋukpetɔ look into the room three times, then cross the doorstep to and fro six times. The seventh time she is taken inside and it is believed that if ŋukpetɔ’s feet touch the doorstep, she will not be a good wife. There her clothes are replaced by the two-yard cloth bought the groom. She is then seated on the ‘atizikpui’ where she is rubbed with powder from a rare tree called ‘eto’, followed by this address from the MC;
“I have rubbed you with this powder, and from today, you have become the wife of X . Henceforth you are not to sit on any seat offered you by another man other than your own husband and with these words she is helped from the stool on to the bed where she is joined by the groom and are made to embrace each other whiles the MC addresses both of them; you are now ‘atsu kple asi’. Man and wife breed as much as you can.”
With her duty done the MC closes the door and returns to join those waiting next door. Custom demands that ‘ŋukpetɔ’ should play hard to get for several minutes though they both know it’s only a formality before they get busy.
After a long time the MC knocks on the door and the grooms opens the bedroom door and allows the MC to examine the white bed sheet. If it is bloodstained, there is jubilation. The girl is led away to the bathroom where is washed in hot water by the MC.
The original idea behind the consummation is the public declaration of ‘ŋukpetɔ’s virginity, for this reason the groom must make an additional payment id she is a virgin. Establishment of virginity is a matter of great pride for both the bride and her parents in addition to establishing her unblemished reputation, it entitles her to the use of ‘blitsikpi’ golden bangles (bracelets), and ‘atsibla’ (a kind of under-garment for women worn immediately above the buttock. It has the effect of hiding the actual shape of the buttocks by making it more profound) after her seclusion period. Her parents also rejoice because her virginity shows they have performed their parental duties and in addition her mother receives several gift items for a good work done.
After consummation the bride remains in seclusion in grooms house for a period of between 4 and 8 months and the main idea is to emphasize from the onset the husbands monopoly over her sexual services. Many times the bride comes out of seclusion with a big belly, as this represents a successful union and children considered a most powerful stabilizing influence on marriage.
With the spread of Christianity and education certain attitudes, practices and habits have changed. As a result of literacy, the use of the ring ‘asigÉ›’ as a symbol of proper marriage is now in fashion and the rubbing of the ‘eto’ powder and the seclusion has disappeared completely. Source: G.K Nukunya Kinship and Marriage Among the Ewe pages 63-85
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