Duncan-Williams’ ‘Marriage advice’ to women: The harsh reality, – Samuel K. Obour

The public outrage that has accompanied Archbishop Duncan-William’s remarks on ‘women and marriage’ could have been avoided if we had all taken time to understand what the preacher said. Ghanaian actress, Lydia Forson, and Communications Professional, Kwame Gyan, have led criticisms of Duncan-Williams, with the latter describing his remarks as “senseless” and “insensitive”. 

It’s my belief, however, that those criticisms were sadly misplaced. They were based on a false premise, borne out of limited understanding of the message the preacher sought to convey. Maybe these people did not listen to the full text (my view).

Instead of a knee-jerk reaction to public developments, we should sometimes take time to understand the issues before launching into a verbal tirade.
The least said about the reckless and unfortunate ‘letters’ Lydia Forson wrote to Duncan-Williams, the better.
Let’s now do a content analysis of the comments in question. I’ll attempt to contextualize and paraphrase what the preacher said.
Based on the audio I listened to, I could tell that Duncan-Williams was speaking to married women. (That part of the message was targeted at married women) Listen here: (http://graphic.com.gh/news/general-news/32967-audio-marriage-is-a-privilege-duncan-williams-tells-women.html)

He advises them not to misbehave in their marriages, because, according to him, for every seven women who are ready to marry, there is only one man available for them. Moreover, he notes, the genetic make-up of women is such that after they reach a certain age, they become unappealing to men.

He adds that many women misbehave in their marriages because nobody has told them that they have a “good thing going” that should be preserved.
Then he urges married women to hold on to their marriages because, in view of the 7:1 ratio, it’s a privilege to be married. (The Archbishop was referring to a Biblical quotation of the ratio of 7:1 – My comments)
In trying to convince the married women that they are privileged, he draws their attention to the fact that there are beautiful and intelligent women who are unmarried because nobody is proposing to them.
Note that the Pastor is not referring to women who have decided not to get married for personal reasons or women who don’t want to rush into marriage

Lydia Forson probably falls within this category. He’s not referring to women who have turned down marriage proposals or women in relationships, which they hope, will lead to marriage.
Duncan-Williams was solely referring to women who are willing and ready to get married but have not found anyone to marry them. He was referring to women who, due to the aforementioned age factor, are desperately seeking marriage but cannot seem to find it.

Therefore, the whole idea of writing a letter and saying, “Marry me so that I don’t rot” was completely irresponsible and ill-informed, to put it very mildly. This is because Lydia Forson doesn’t fall within the category of women the preacher was referring to. If Lydia Forson wants to get married tomorrow, she can, because she has suitors. However, for other women (most of whom are older than Lydia), this is not the case. It’s very unfortunate and sad, but that’s the hard truth. I have great difficulty writing this because I feel it may cause such women pain.
We ought to recognise that Duncan-Williams didn’t say what he said because he wanted to spite or make fun of such women. He didn’t say that to remind such women of their pain.  Based on the context, he was simply telling married women to be careful so that they don’t find themselves in that situation. More like: ‘Guys, this is the situation out there, so don’t joke with what you have. Make it work.’ I don’t see anything wrong with saying that.

I acknowledge that the statement ‘Marriage is a privilege’ is relative. It cannot be a privilege to people who have the luxury of turning down marriage proposals. But to people who cannot manage a single proposal, marriage is indeed a privilege. So, there is no need to verbally attack a pastor for saying this.

Some have raised issues with the admonition to women not to “misbehave”. I won’t dwell much on this because the preacher didn’t specify exactly want constitutes ‘misbehaviour’. But I can deduce that because Duncan-Williams is a pastor and marriage counselor, a lot of married people have filled him in on happenings in their marriage. So he probably knows what he is saying when he says some married women misbehave.

Some have also questioned why Duncan-Williams didn’t extend the “don’t misbehave” message to men. But did Duncan-Williams, by that admonition to women, absolve men of their responsibility to ensure that their marriages work? No. He said men “have issues too”, which means they also have to be of good behaviour in their marriages. He then adds, however, that men are luckier than women in this regard, because:

1. The 7:1 ratio is in their favour.
2. Their genetic make-up is such that they can get married even at a very old age if only they can still have sex. Are these not verifiable facts?

Honestly, these are harmless comments that should not have elicited strong public criticism and condemnation.
I disagree with the 7:1 assertion, but I agree with almost everything else Duncan-William said ( Samuel you misunderstood the the Bishop, he was referring to Isaiah 4:1 “And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, we will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away to our reproach”. It was based on this quotation. He did not mean that he had any empirical evidence of that being the vase today. It is prophetic, from the Bible, that context has to be appreciated. My comments ) .

We would be living in denial if we attempted to devalue or understate the importance of marriage in our society. It’s a fact that because of our culture, customs and traditions, marriage means a lot to almost every woman in our society. In this part of the world, if a woman is still single at a certain age, there is enormous pressure from society, including her family, for her to get married. There is pressure on men as well to get married at a certain age, but the pressure is not as intense as what our women endure. These are facts that can easily be verified.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon an article in which, Mrs. Nike Akande, a former Minister for Industry in Nigeria asserted that a woman without a husband would not be respected. She said: “It is better to be married. People respect you more when you are married.” The comment, especially coming from a woman, may come across as backward and regressive in some parts of the world, but as far as Ghana and Nigeria are concerned, Mrs. Akande is perfectly right.

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